While searching through available men in the Los Angeles area in an attempt to pick a suitor worthy of my affections, I came across a gentleman who didn't seem too bad...
...until I got to the last paragraph of his profile. And I quote, verbatim...
“love dogs, have had quite a few in my life. Cats are cool, although I think in there eyes were the pet and their the master. Pretty much love all animals”
A man who loves animals is sexy. A man with poor grammar and punctuation is not.
Unfortunately, I keep stumbling across men whose profiles need to be corrected in red pen. And men that write like 13 year old girls text. Men posing shirtless; men who write in their profiles about how all L.A. women want to be the next Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton; men who sound boring; and men who sound full of themselves.
However, there are one or two men that seem like good prospects so I've sent them messages - only I haven't really received any responses yet. I'm sure all those men are reading my profile and criticizing me. Heck, I totally expect that to be happening. For all I know they're blogging about me too: "Did she seriously post a picture of herself wearing a Christmas tree on her head? The mental hospital called, they're sending an ambulance for you now." (But they probably would've spelled it all wrong.) And of course they've read that my TURN OFFS include poor grammar, spelling, and punctuation, which means they're thinking, "What a snobby know-it-all! No wonder she's still single!" I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I know the difference between there, their, and they're.
In fact, the closest thing I've found to a "match" is the poor man's Johnny Depp - who said that yes, if he were ever in L.A. or I were in Berkeley, we would totally have wine and speak French.
Fuck that, I'm moving.
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