The Bitch is Back

Remember me?  The bitch is back!  Uh, I mean, the Dating Diva is back!  The aforementioned relationship I found myself in over the summer didn't make it much longer than a month (I'll spare you the details) and I've once again found myself single.  At first I thought, "No problem, most of my time is spent at work or in school" but then I started to get a wandering eye.  I would peek at the online dating sites and see who was out there.  I pondered if I should reactivate my online dating profile.  "Just for fun," I told myself.  So I did.  And I was reminded of why I disliked internet dating in the first place.

One guy sent me a very simple, yet direct, message: "I wanna fuck you."  Was I flattered?  Sure, why not, but not interested.  My profile clearly states that I'm not looking for booty calls or casual sex so why did he even bother?  He probably sent that exact message out to several women, hoping that at least one would say, "Sure, let's meet!"  If that woman is out there, then she is the woman for him.  But that woman isn't me.

Another guy appeared to have actually read my profile as he commented on my mention of an MG and my ability to drive stick shift.  However, he said to me, "Im a sucker for brunetts, but i dont belive you can drive a stick, mg is totally different from a Cts-v with 500hp."  Wow, I don't believe you know how to proof your messages before you hit SEND.  But forgiving that, I'm pretty sure the way to a woman's heart is not to mildly insult her abilities, nor is it to brag that you probably have a Cadillac.  So, thanks but no thanks.

One man used the short but sweet approach with a simple, "Hi."  Really?  You can't even say, "Hi, I'm Bob.  Would you like to chat?" or "Hi, I like chili!"  (I referenced in my profile that I make good chili.)

Why is internet dating so hard?  Read the profile of the person you're reaching out to, show them that you actually paid attention.  If you're stuck for an ice breaker question, comment on the current cold snap in the Los Angeles area (seriously, 36 degrees in the valley this morning?!), talk about a recent sports game (apparently it's not looking like the Lakers are going to make playoffs, although I only know that because I googled it so I'd have a sports reference here), or ask me what my favorite things are (band, food, cocktail?). 

Because simply saying "Hi" comes across as not wanting to put too much effort into this dating thing; making comments that are directly opposed to things in my profile shows you didn't even read the damn thing; and insulting me is not going to endear yourself to me.

Thankfully there are one or two guys that know how to have a conversation so I'm starting with those.  Will anything come of it?  Who knows, but at least we're making an effort.  It would be nice if I could meet someone that would go to Robbie Burns Day at the Tam O'Shanter with me, or someone to stroll through the Norton Simon Museum with.  I don't mind doing these things alone but it would be nice to share them with someone special.  And it would be nice to fall in love again. 

I'm not entirely sure when I'll have the time though, as I'll be taking five classes this semester (that's outside of my full-time job, mind you) but I did post a disclaimer in my profile.  I explained that I work full-time and am a full-time student so I won't be running off to Paris with anyone...at least not until summer break. ;)

"Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights"

I've been pretty quiet lately because, this summer, I "met a boy, cute as can be..."  (These Grease references are going to get old really quick, huh?) 

That's right, I met someone.  And not online. 

Remember how I lamented about how it was so much easier to meet people in person, through friends? Or at parties?  Well, my new guy and I had met a few months ago in person but nothing really came of it until... a backyard BBQ at our friend's house.  And then it clicked.  The rest is romantic summer history.  (And for once my blog photos aren't stock photos from the internet - that's the Pacific Ocean right there in front of you, taken during a day at the beach with my man.)

I haven't said much about this new relationship because a) it's new and b) I don't want to jinx myself.  I mean, as evident by my total lack of success with the online dating, I just may be cursed.  Or jinxed.  Or hexed.  Or something.

So I didn't want to talk too much about it for fear of ruining it.  And now that we've been dating for over a month, I still dont't want to talk about it because it's personal.  Not to mention, this blog was about adventures in online dating, not "I finally found a keeper!"  Right?

For some reason I didn't mind baring my "looking for love online" soul while I was searching.  But now that I've found someone I really click with and am giving that a chance to grow, I want to keep this one to myself.

This means that while things are moving forward in that arena, the online dating is over, ergo the blog is probably done.  I've never really been the kind of girl that dates more than one person at a time and I was never a fan of "non-exclusive dating" so we're just going to take time to get to know one another and see what happens.  That means no more onine dating adventures to share with you.

But I promise, if my new guy turns out to be a serial killer, I will go back to online dating and blogging.   You know, assuming I escape his chainsaw of death.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Oh look, more messages from men I don’t plan on dating.  Shall we take a peek at some?

Jesus......Your hot!!

God, your grammar sucks.

You reek of sexiness!!!

Don’t ever tell a woman she “reeks” even if it’s of sexiness.  Tell her she “exudes” sexiness, or “embodies” it, but never that she reeks of it. 

WOW!

Your beautiful smile made my day !

Your right lifes too short!

You have gorgeous eyes!

I never said anything in my profile about life being too short so maybe he has me confused with someone else?  Someone who doesn’t mind that he said “your” instead of “you’re.”  Or that he ended every sentence with an exclamation point.  Like this!

My friends say I’m being too picky and I don’t care.  I am entitled to want whatever I want.  Besides, the truth is, while I do care about grammar and spelling, I haven’t seriously rejected anybody because of it.  As I’ve said before, the guys I mention on here are guys I’m passing on for a number of reasons – I just talk about the grammar, cheesy photos, and creepy pick-up lines on this blog because it’s funny.  Not once have I ever said, this guy is hot and he sounds like the perfect man IF ONLY HE COULD SPELL!

Because when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter if he ends every sentence with an exclamation point.  If I'm attracted to him and think his profile sounds like the kind of guy I'd like to go on a first date with, I'll overlook those things.  But so far I'm not finding guys like that.

Most of the profiles I see are guys I don't want to make out with.  And that's important - if the attraction isn't there it doesn't matter if his profile says he's a superhero that deworms orphans in third world countries when he's not saving rescue animals.  Let's face it, if you have two guys in front of you with the exact same "resume" (both are everything you want in a guy, personality wise), you're going to pick the guy you're most attracted to.

And right now, I'm still waiting for that guy.  The one who catches my eye but also piques my interest with his profile.  So come on guys, hit me with your best shot.

Because I refuse to believe that what I'm finding online right now is the best you have to offer.

"Luck be a lady tonight..."

Received a message on dating site from "mjcmike" but it was not, in fact, from Channing Tatum. Also, "magic" is spelled with a G.

Another guy said, “I would love to take you out pretty princess.”  Pretty princess?  That makes me feel like I’m about five years old.  Are we going to the circus?  Can I get some cotton candy?  (Wait, I would actually do that.  But not with this guy.)

Just to clarify the situation here, I haven’t really passed on a guy just because he had bad grammar or because he called me “pretty princess.”  While those things do turn me off, I’ve passed on guys because I’m not attracted to them and/or because their profile doesn’t sound like what I’m looking for in a guy.  The bad grammar, the cheesy (sometimes creepy) pick-up lines are all just icing on the cake that is online dating.

Again, I’m not saying that online dating doesn’t work.  I know it does!  I’m just saying that right now, it’s not working for me.  The men that are reaching out to me are not men I am interested in, and the men I reach out to do not appear to be interested in me either.  I do have 4 emails still open on the free site with men that I would go on a first date with but I’m waiting for each to respond.  In each case, we’ve said something to one another but now it’s their turn to reply…and they aren’t.  So I’m guessing that they decided to pass on me.

And that’s okay – if I’m not the kind of girl they’re looking for, I’d rather they just move on than string this out, making me think that perhaps there’s a chance.  But I have to admit, this overall dating thing is frustrating.

I miss the days when I would just meet a nice guy through friends; when you could run into someone at a party and think, “Wow, I really want to get to know him better!” and then you did.  Hell, I even miss the days of high school where we just hollered out the window at cute guys to let them know we were interested.  It was so much easier than this online crap.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to cruise the strip in my car with the windows down, hollering, “Aaaaayoooo!” at the cute guys.

Wish me luck.

It's Raining Men

It's raning men.  And it's an acid rain...

This is an actual photo from a real dating profile, I did not make this up.  It's like Mad Max night at the go-go club.  This was his main photo, the second photo was of his abs, the third was his biceps, and the fourth was some cheesy picture of him throwing some sign I didn’t recognize.  It wasn’t a peace sign, “rock on,” or “I love you” in sign language.  Maybe it was the universal sign that guys throw to indicate that you should not date them.

People tell me I'm too picky about grammar/spelling on dating sites but how can I take this man seriously?

An online dating profile: "Seeking my Juliette."  Romeo & Juliette had a forbidden love and killed themselves.  Probably not the best romantic reference...

Received this message the other day: "Ready set go im ramon lets get it on"  I asked my friends how I should respond to that message, if at all, and CR suggested, “Where do you stand politically? What are your views on gun control? Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior?”  So that’s what I wrote.  And then the following conversation transpired:

HIM: democrate, no need for guns, YES
ME: I'm a Republican, card carrying member of the NRA, atheist.  Thank you anyway.
HIM: Your funny.
ME: I wasn't making a joke.
HIM: You knew your answer when you ask me. That like asking a blackman have you ever had any problems with the police ( cum on )

That’s when I replied, “I’m not interested, thank you” because I couldn’t continue this charade anymore.  If it wasn’t bad enough that he misspelled “Democrat,” used “your” instead of “you’re,” and had bad grammar overall, he totally sealed his fate by saying, “cum on.”  Anybody over the age of 15 that says “cum” instead of “come” needs to be bitch slapped.  You are not Beavis & Butthead.  And if you fancy yourself as such, you have no future with me.

And for the record, I’m actually in the middle politically, I haven’t renewed my NRA membership, and I believe in God but don’t subscribe to any organized religion.  Not that it matters, because clearly I am never going to find a decent man who knows you don’t pick up a woman by saying, “Let’s get it on.”

Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me

A couple of weeks ago I went on a date with a guy from the free dating site.  As you can tell, I did not fall fabulously in love, otherwise you would’ve heard about it that very night instead of about two weeks later.  (Unless we had been holed up the last two weeks making mad passionate love, but I digress…)

We met in person and I could tell immediately I wasn’t feeling an attraction, although he seemed like a nice guy.  We had a round of drinks and appetizers, and the conversation was good but I just couldn’t imagine myself kissing him goodnight.  We hugged goodbye, made vague references about maybe getting together the following weekend, and then…nothing.  Neither of us contacted the other.

But at least I got out there and tried.

In the time since, I did cancel my Match.com membership but I still have my profile on the free site.  Of course people are saying, “Why did you cancel your membership after a month?!  It takes time!”  I know it takes time, and I know that online dating can work, but it hasn’t really been working for me.  On the free site I’m getting attention - mostly from men I don’t want to date, but at least they’re “looking” at me.  On Match, there was hardly any attention at all.  And like I said before I signed up, why do I want to pay for rejection when I can get that already for free?  Oh sure, I could stay on it for a few more months just to see if maybe, just maybe, Johnny Depp creates a profile and checks me out (hey, he’s single now, it could happen), but what are the chances of that happening?  Money is unbelievably tight for me right now so I have to be careful where I spend it, if I spend it at all, and continuing to throw money into a dating site where nobody at all seems interested in me seems like a big fat waste of cold, hard cash.  If money wasn’t a problem right now, sure, I’d probably stay on Match a few more months just to see if perhaps there is a cool guy on there that is looking for an almost-40 year old, divorcee, legal assistant/college student, who drives a 1975 VW Bug part-time, drinks vodka, and knows how to spell.

But money is tight, so I canceled the membership and I’m sticking to the freebies for now.  I know the quality of men on the free sites may not be up to par with the paid sites but I’ll just have to deal with that unless and until I win the lotto.

Thankfully I’ve received a couple of decent messages on the free site recently, which is a nice refresher from the typical poorly spelled messages with bad grammar.  Unfortunately, even though these men can spell and have made references to my profile that prove they have actually read it, I’m not attracted to them (except this one guy I’m waiting to hear back from).

I know what you’re thinking… how do I know if I’m attracted to them if I haven’t gone on a (disastrous) first date with them?  (Like my cynicism?)  Well, I’ve never gone on a (hot, steamy, sex-filled) date with Johnny Depp (like my optimism?) but I can tell from his photos that I would like to go on a (hot, steamy, sex-filled) date with him.  The same thing should apply to a guy’s online profile – I should be able to read the description and think, he sounds cool, and then check out his photo and think, I would kiss him goodnight/make out with him/have babies with him.

Granted, that could all change the moment we meet in person.  I have met people online and the attraction was there but once we met in person it was not.  (And then there was that time I had to get the cops unofficially involved when one of those guys couldn’t accept that “it” was not there, but that’s another story).  And I’ve also met people in person, through friends, where at first it didn’t cross my mind to make out with them and then BAM!  We were dating the following year.

The point is though, when it comes to online dating, there has to be at least some attraction in the beginning.  If you look at someone’s picture and think, I would never kiss him goodnight, then you should pass.  If, however, you think, he looks totally kissable, then you should go for it.  There are no guarantees, of course, but your odds are probably better if you are into him somewhat before the first date.  Otherwise, why even bother?

She's a Man Eater

I don't consider myself to be especially high maintenance when it comes to dating but I do have some rules.  Let's go over them, shall we?

1)   Do not text/email/call me several times a day, every day.  I don't even talk to my mother or my best friends every single day (unless you count social media and I don't).  Additionally, if I've already explained to you that I am very busy at the moment (as in, 2 papers and 3 homework assignments due that week (true story)), then it's actually rude.
 
2)   Please don't ask me, "What are you thinking?"  I'm a Scorpio, if I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would tell you.

3)   School is my number one priority right now.  I will make time for you but if I tell you that I can't go out because I've got homework, please respect that.  If you can't, go date someone who's already graduated.

4)   Do not count how many pretzels I'm eating at the bar & tell me, "You don't want to eat that."  If you do this on a first date (and somebody did), there will be no second date (and there wasn't). 

5)   I eat meat.  If you're a vegetarian, I'm okay with that but please don't try to convert me.

6)   I'm a social drinker.  It's okay if you don't drink but just like with vegetarianism, please don't try to convert me.

7)   Don't tell me to break a promise to my friend.  It shows you have zero character.

8)   I have a lot of guy friends.  I will not cease hanging out with them simply because we are dating.

9)  If you're possessive, jealous, controlling, and need to keep tabs on your woman at all times, there's the door.

10)   We're not having sex with each other until we've agreed we're not having sex with anyone else.  I've tried that "non exclusive" thing before and it doesn't work for me.  If you can't handle this rule, you can follow the guys from #9 to the door.

No wonder I'm still single...