Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me

A couple of weeks ago I went on a date with a guy from the free dating site.  As you can tell, I did not fall fabulously in love, otherwise you would’ve heard about it that very night instead of about two weeks later.  (Unless we had been holed up the last two weeks making mad passionate love, but I digress…)

We met in person and I could tell immediately I wasn’t feeling an attraction, although he seemed like a nice guy.  We had a round of drinks and appetizers, and the conversation was good but I just couldn’t imagine myself kissing him goodnight.  We hugged goodbye, made vague references about maybe getting together the following weekend, and then…nothing.  Neither of us contacted the other.

But at least I got out there and tried.

In the time since, I did cancel my Match.com membership but I still have my profile on the free site.  Of course people are saying, “Why did you cancel your membership after a month?!  It takes time!”  I know it takes time, and I know that online dating can work, but it hasn’t really been working for me.  On the free site I’m getting attention - mostly from men I don’t want to date, but at least they’re “looking” at me.  On Match, there was hardly any attention at all.  And like I said before I signed up, why do I want to pay for rejection when I can get that already for free?  Oh sure, I could stay on it for a few more months just to see if maybe, just maybe, Johnny Depp creates a profile and checks me out (hey, he’s single now, it could happen), but what are the chances of that happening?  Money is unbelievably tight for me right now so I have to be careful where I spend it, if I spend it at all, and continuing to throw money into a dating site where nobody at all seems interested in me seems like a big fat waste of cold, hard cash.  If money wasn’t a problem right now, sure, I’d probably stay on Match a few more months just to see if perhaps there is a cool guy on there that is looking for an almost-40 year old, divorcee, legal assistant/college student, who drives a 1975 VW Bug part-time, drinks vodka, and knows how to spell.

But money is tight, so I canceled the membership and I’m sticking to the freebies for now.  I know the quality of men on the free sites may not be up to par with the paid sites but I’ll just have to deal with that unless and until I win the lotto.

Thankfully I’ve received a couple of decent messages on the free site recently, which is a nice refresher from the typical poorly spelled messages with bad grammar.  Unfortunately, even though these men can spell and have made references to my profile that prove they have actually read it, I’m not attracted to them (except this one guy I’m waiting to hear back from).

I know what you’re thinking… how do I know if I’m attracted to them if I haven’t gone on a (disastrous) first date with them?  (Like my cynicism?)  Well, I’ve never gone on a (hot, steamy, sex-filled) date with Johnny Depp (like my optimism?) but I can tell from his photos that I would like to go on a (hot, steamy, sex-filled) date with him.  The same thing should apply to a guy’s online profile – I should be able to read the description and think, he sounds cool, and then check out his photo and think, I would kiss him goodnight/make out with him/have babies with him.

Granted, that could all change the moment we meet in person.  I have met people online and the attraction was there but once we met in person it was not.  (And then there was that time I had to get the cops unofficially involved when one of those guys couldn’t accept that “it” was not there, but that’s another story).  And I’ve also met people in person, through friends, where at first it didn’t cross my mind to make out with them and then BAM!  We were dating the following year.

The point is though, when it comes to online dating, there has to be at least some attraction in the beginning.  If you look at someone’s picture and think, I would never kiss him goodnight, then you should pass.  If, however, you think, he looks totally kissable, then you should go for it.  There are no guarantees, of course, but your odds are probably better if you are into him somewhat before the first date.  Otherwise, why even bother?