"A-B-C, easy as 1-2-3" (except not so much)

Online dating is hard, I know, I’m out here doing it, too.  It takes a lot of guts to put yourself online for all of the universe (or those within a specified radius and access to a computer) to see.  It also takes courage to reach out to a complete stranger in an attempt to bond with them.  I just want you to know that I completely understand that and am absolutely doing the exact same thing myself.  I am not making fun of anyone for the sake of being mean – I’m merely sharing these experiences because online dating totally sucks.

Blah blah blah.  My best friend’s sister’s next door neighbor’s cousin’s hair dresser met her husband online.  That’s great.  I’m happy for them.  I’m the maid of honor at a Match wedding this summer.  I’m not saying that online dating doesn’t work – I’m saying that the overall process sucks.

Because, as the saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.  And the internet is full of frogs.  Don’t believe me?

See for yourself.  (That's a link, not sure the color shows up very well for some reason and I'm too lazy to play with my settings.  Just click on the thing.)

And now, let me share with you the most recent little gem I received in my inbox today:

hi My name is JOE and i would like to get to know you im that special person you are looking for im honest sincere and fun to be with i think we have things in common and im for real i dont play with peoples feelings if im wat you want and if intreasted live me a message and your name thank you hope you have a great day

That’s one sentence.  One motherfucking sentence.  There are no apostrophes, commas, or periods where there should be.  Some of the words are misspelled – who doesn’t know how to spell “what” properly?

I know what my “You’re being too picky” friends are thinking.  They’re thinking, “You’re being too picky!” and possibly, “Maybe he wrote that on his phone.”

Well guess what?

Fuck that shit.

I type on my phone all the time and yes, even I make typos, but I go back and correct them before I hit SEND.  Worst case scenario, my error goes through and I follow up the message with a correction (because I’m anal like that).  I do not, however, send messages to men online (via my phone or computer) that are a paragraph long consisting of one, giant, never ending, run-on sentence filled with bad grammar and poor spelling.  Because I actually care about things like that.  And men should, too.

Go ahead and call me a Grammar Nazi – I don’t give a shit anymore.  I refuse to date anyone who sends me messages like that.  I have standards for myself and that includes knowing how to use the English language, I don’t care how hot a guy is.  (For the record, I wasn’t attracted to this man anyway so that was really just a double whammy.) 

I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m not saying I’m not being judged by the guys out there, too.  (They’re probably all saying to themselves, “If only she were a size 6.")  And that’s fine – we all have our own standards.  I just don't feel like I should settle when it comes to mine.

I want an intelligent, funny guy that I have good chemistry with.  One that will fit in with my crazy friends (shut up you guys, you know you're crazy).  Someone that will sit around a campfire with me or take me to the ballet.  A guy I could imagine introducing to my mother someday.  He’s out there.  Somewhere.  And he knows how to spell.

SIDE NOTE: I hate those emails people send that end with “Sent from my [insert name of phone here], please excuse typos.”  No, no I won’t.

Also, when I was in high school, I used to read my friends' notes, correct them in red pen, and send them back.  True story.  (No wonder I'm single...)