Is She Really Going Out With Him?

ON CREATING MY PROFILE 

If I make a Sense & Sensibility reference on a dating site, will straight guys get it? Probably not, huh?  Crap, they probably won't get the Bridget Jones reference either... Edit, edit, edit.

I jokingly said to C that I should say, "Hi, I'm Amy.  I want to have sex with you.  But not until we're monogamous."  She said I should... because "men are retarded."  G (a guy) told me not to waste time and to just post naked photos.  C's point has been made.

REVIEWING PROSPECTIVE MATES

Ooh, there's one titled "Eye Surgeon Seeking Love." I wonder if he'd give me free Lasik surgery?

This one says "I do not go to bars or clubs." Next!

This one has a photo of himself wearing a t-shirt that says, Schrodinger's cat is dead, he used the word "dote," and he mentions monkeys.  Schrodinger's profile says he has a graduate degree.  [Schrodinger has not replied to my message.]

There's one with the user name assclown218. Yes, yes that is the man of my dreams.

The winner of the night is the 40 year old guy who looks like he walked off the Jersey Shore set: photo of himself making the duck face, fake tan, flexing without a shirt, posing next to his car, etc. If this is what online dating has in store for me, kill me now.

A 42 year old has a picture of a DeLorean and it says, "Bonus points if you can guess the car." Seriously, is he dating 17 year olds? Who doesn't know that shit?

I just know I'm going to stumble across Johnny Depp's secret online dating profile any minute now.

One guy had a photo on his profile of him with Steven Seagal.  So I wrote to him and said, "Your profile has Steven Seagal.  Mine has Chuck Norris. Hmm..."  He hasn't replied so clearly he knows that Chuck Norris would kick Steven Seagal's ass.

MESSAGES I'VE RECEIVED

"Read your bio ..Your in luck! I love educated women....they taste better ( joke) relax,,( was that a Beaves and Butthead joke?) Well, even if you don't consider me , you do look good, If thats any level of comfort...Love baby blue's and freckle...Yes ..my ex-wife has it..anyway given a chance , we may have something here ...No Drama, Living alone , Job, Car ,and loves to travel..Balls in your court..P.S. your not to far, so it just may work.."   Clearly he missed where I listed poor grammer, spelling, and punctuation as a TURN OFF.

Just checked my online dating mailbox. Latest message from guy whose photos are all of him flexing, "Do you have sexy feet?" Kill me now.